#and i can't find the energy to talk to them

[an-au-blog]

modern academic au where viktor just can't get his peace and quiet in the library. Because every time he tries to study, there's this damned himbo that trails him around asking him what he's researching with a big goofy smile. It's always "do you want me to carry your books" and "oh I haven't read that one yet, is it good," and so on and so forth. And in his mind, it's like "just because I'm using a cain doesn't mean I need your help, and yeah of course you haven't read it, you're probably in with some sports scholarship or whatever" but he never voices it. He's the headmaster's portage and he can't go around being rude to random people in the library. Plus, it's not like the other man stays too long, he goes to classes and secludes himself to study as well.

Around exam season, the man stopped hanging off his arm so much, they didn't cross paths in the library or in the halls, but once or twice, Viktor would see him with books about physics, electronics and other things Viktor had been researching before. He never approached him, but he was a bit amused at the seriousness in his expression while he was scribbling something in his notebooks.

If the man WAS on a sports scholarship, perhaps he was reading those books to find a way to talk to Viktor more and in all honesty, it would have been the most someone had done to get to flirt with him, so what if he thought it was a little sweet... it wasn't as if he would expect though. No. His studies were far too important to be put on the back burner for a guy who thought a bone crushing hug (that usually lasts too long for it to be just friendly) was an adequate way to greet an acquaintance.

One day, Viktor found a notebook with research that could be groundbreaking one day. It was past closing hours for the academy, but he had keys so he was left to read all the notes throughout the whole night and even into the day. The neat handwriting, the diagrams, the brilliant ideas... whoever this person was, he was flowing in potential. And when Viktor turned each page he couldn't help but smile to himself, how silly and a bit narcissistic, to sign your name on each of them. Jayce Talis, Jayce Talis, Jace Talis, Jayce Talis, each page, just Jayce Talis, Jayce-

"Hey!"

A familiar voice called for him. Out of breath and disheveled, stood the man who had been trailing him around.

"Oh, I'm so glad I found it- I mean you-" He sagged with relief. But when his eyes flickered from the notes to Viktor and back, he seemed to get a bit sheepish. "I thought I lost them." A whisper to himself before he snapped his eyes back to Viktor. "Ah, uh... you read all of them?"

And there he was, flirting with the same lame excuse, Viktor thought.

"Yes," he decided to humour him a bit. Closing the book and pulling it away from the other. "I was hoping to return it to it's owner, maybe discuss some of the ideas in it."

The man didn't seem to take the hint as he sat across from him with a small smile. "Yeah? So you don't think it's an obnoxious or ridiculous idea?"

"Ridiculous? Perhaps a bit, but it is not obnoxious to want natural resources of this quantity to produce -" He stopped himself, this random guy didn't need to hear it. "Nevermind, you don't need to hear that." Viktor was ready to stand up until he felt a hand reach for his to make him stay.

"No, no! I really want to hear it! Every professor I've tried showing my research to has told me I'm being unrealistic. But I think that with enough time, and effort, it's possible!" His face was glowing. "I mean as far as energy sources go, this could save much for both the people and companies. See- " grabbed one of the notebooks and started flipping through it, "right here, I tried to make a model of-"

"Jayce?" Viktor asked in disbelief.

The other man looked up at him with that dumb smile again. "Yes?"

"Jayce Talis...?"

Jayce tilted his head in question. "Yes?" He asked with more hesitance.

"You are Jayce Talis?" Viktor lifted up the notebook, pointing at the place where the name was signed.

"Did I not introduce myself the first time we met?"

"No!"

Jayce laughed a little awkward chuckle and it made Viktor's chest constrict. With anger, probably...

"Well, I'm sorry, um. My name is Jayce." He reached his hand out for a shake. "Nice to meet you."

"Viktor." He took it. "Likewise." And he found himself meaning it.

[spoilmesweetieforficssake]

Hi I really love your writing! Not sure if you are taking any prompts, no worries if not!

I was wondering if you could something with Melissa x reader similar to Janine and Gregory where they both work at the school and maybe the reader is dating someone but they have a moment like the club scene or PECSA weekend.

Hope you're having a good day lovely human!

Not dead! Nor have I given up on writing or filling the prompts I still have to fill! But a weird thing did happen - I went to a hypnotist show with friends thinking I wouldn't be affected... Long story short, I remember the first fifteen minutes of the show. Apparently, I was in the show for the rest of it. So that was a thing. But that's not the weird thing. The hypnotist said that a side effect of his hypnosis is often a better ability to focus, a quieter mind and less anxious thoughts. I have to hand it to the man, his words seem to be true. An unexpected side effect of this for me though is that it turns out the noise and chatter in my mind actually helps me write my fics. Now it's all a bit quiet in there and it's been hard to get the words out. But, that doesn't mean I don't still love writing - so we're pushing through.

I do have a confession though - this story has two prompts noted at the top of it in my drafts and although I can't find any evidence that I've posted it under either prompt, if I have already posted this and somehow have missed it, please let me know and I shall take the duplicate down.

Anyway, enough about me. Enough rambling. I hope you enjoy!

*~*

It would be easier if she wasn’t nice to you. 

If she wasn’t nice to you, she could just be the untouchable, hot as hell, fiery goddess you admired from afar. 

But no.  She let you sit with her and Barb at lunch.  She even brought you lunch after a few conversations had strayed into discussing cooking and favourite recipes during said lunch breaks.

How were you meant to get over your ridiculous crush when she actually gave you the time of day?  When she smiled like that?  When her whole face lit up and she gestured so animatedly when she got caught up talking about something?

And as if that wasn’t enough, how were you ever meant to recover after seeing her so soft with her students?  Going out of her way to open up to them and help them. 

It was ridiculous, though.  You knew that.  What good was ever going to come of it? 

Kid.  That’s what she calls you.  It’s a constant reminder of the age gap between you.  Of the chasm that you feel you can’t even begin to cross when she sees you as some eager little kid.

You’ve always had a thing for older women.  From those early, confused days of watching your on-screen idols, to realising you didn’t want to be them.  You didn’t want to be friends with them.  You just wanted them. 

You want one in particular, but as you look across at her, her red hair ablaze in the sunshine, you force those feelings down once more.  If friendship is what she’s offering you’re not about to beat her with that olive branch.  You’ll deem yourself lucky and move on.

Even if she has ruined you for anyone else. 

*~*

“You know,” drawled Barbara.  “It’s beginning to become a habit.”

“What is?” asked Melissa, turning to face her friend with a frown. 

“Staring at her,” said the older woman, eyebrow raised. 

The red head scoffs.  “As if.  I don’t know what you think you’re seeing but that ain’t it.”

*

It was all said in jest to begin with.  Gentle teasing about a few wayward glances.  That was until Barb started to see her best friend be genuinely nice to you. 

To begin with, she tolerated you.  You weren’t one of the eager little puppies she so often saw when it came to younger new hires.  That much was evident from the start.  You were an old soul.  You carried a different energy. 

One that Melissa apparently appreciated just as much as the view.  Barb stood beside her the red head as they watched over the kids leaving school, keeping an eye on the them as they left for the day, making their way to busses, rides or parents.  Or rather, Barb was keeping watch over the children.  A quick glance at Melissa confirmed that her attention was directed at you where you stood a little way off, chatting happily with a young girl about the book she was waving at you as she waited for her mother to collect her. 

“Girl…”

“Don’t,” sighed Melissa, crossing her arms across her chest. 

That took Barb by surprise.  She had expected the red head to deny it.  “You mean?”

“It’s stupid.  She’s some pretty young thing and I’m…older than I care to admit.”

Turning to look at her friend, her expression sad, the older woman reached out and placed a comforting hand on the other woman’s arm.  “And?  What’s it called?  A Spring, Winter romance?”

“May, December,” corrected Melissa automatically.  “But same thing.”

“Exactly” said Barb.  “There’s a name for it and everything.  It’s a thing.”

“It’s not a thing,” huffed the red head, turning on her heel and heading back into the building.  “It’s stupid and I’ll get over it, just like I do everything else in my life.”

*~*

You’re not sure you’re entirely on board for PECSA. 

Out of school, things are different.  Lines are blurred and you’re seeing a whole different side to your colleagues.  You’re not sure if it’s liberating or terrifying.  And that’s before you add in the factor of the other teachers who have also been set free from the constraints of the classroom and are now loose in the wild.

You’re sure your confusion must show on your face, particularly when at the end of one of the breakout sessions you find yourself caught up in conversation with a striking older woman who teaches at another school across town.

You don’t see Melissa at first, who watches the interaction with interest.  She’s not used to seeing you outside of school, and it takes her back to realise that the woman is flirting with you.  Openly and blatantly flirting with you.  She’s touching your arm, leaning into you.  Smiling and laughing. 

In return, you know you’re blushing something terrible, especially when the woman hands you a page from her notebook with her number scrawled across it.  Watching the woman walk away, throwing you a smile over her shoulder to you, you finally see the red head standing in the doorway where she said she’d meet you so you could head for lunch together.

“She not a bit old for you?” she asks as you approach, your blush still heating your cheeks.

You frown.  “If she looks like that and thinks I’m hot enough to give me her number, they’re the numbers I’m interested in,” you reply, heading in the direction of the lunch buffet. 

Barb overhears the comment, unable not to smirk at your flash of sass.  “Jealous?” she asks, leaning into the red head’s space. 

“Of what?” barks Melissa, crossing her arms across her chest as she watches you go.  “Oh leave off!” she snarks at the older woman’s raised eyebrow.

*

How the day has gone from serious talks and breakout sessions to cocktails by the pool you’re still trying to wrap your head around.  Adjusting your cover up, you head around the side of the pool, heading for the bar.  You hope the day starts to feel a little bit more normal with a drink in your hand. 

Gazing out over the water, you catch sight of Melissa.  Or rather, you catch sight of a lot more of Melissa than you’ve ever had the privilege of seeing before.  Not looking where you’re walking as your eyes drink in the magnificent view there’s no saving yourself as you step forward and your foot finds water instead of concrete.

“Is that?” Melissa asks incredulously at the dramatic splash that comes from the other side of the pool.  She’s up out of her lounger before Barb can comment and the older teacher can only watch on in amusement as the red head storms off in your direction. 

You pull yourself out of the pool, allowing yourself to perch on the edge as you try your best to ignore the chuckles of those around you who have noticed your mishap. 

“What the fuck happened?”

You look up and of course Melissa is there.  Right there, lit up in the sun like an angel, red hair haloed around her head.  It takes a moment to realise that her eyes are roving over you, and not just your face.  You glance down where your cover up now clings to your skin, almost see through. 

Looking up you see Melissa blink rapidly a few times before offering you a hand.  You reach for her, smiling as she helps pull you to your feet.  “Thanks,” you smile sheepishly.  “I guess I should go change.”

“It’s a pool, you’re allowed to be a little wet,” the red head smirks back at you.  “Besides, we’re this close to the bar now, be rude not to take advantage.”

*

Melissa appears at the bar next to you with a huff, grumbling under her breath.  Her attention is focused on trying to get the attention of the barman.  Mumbling though she is, she’s speaking just loud enough for you to make out what she was saying. 

“He was an ass,” you tell her, watching as her head whipped around, finally realising you were there. 

“What?” she asks with a frown, already tipsy. 

“Your ex,” you enlighten her.  You may not have heard the comment that led to her current dip in mood, or ever have met the man, but you know enough.

Her frown only deepens.  “You don’t know a thing about him.”

“I know he didn’t appreciate what he had and left you,” you offer, ordering a drink when the barman appears in front of you, before turning back to Melissa to ask what she wants.  You find her looking at you oddly, her expression unreadable.  She quickly snaps out of it and barks and order at the bartender.

*

Barb has had more than a few drinks, it would appear as she flags you down to sit with her as you pass her table. 

“Sit, sit,” she smiles, trying to reach for your arm and push the chair out next to her at the same time in an uncoordinated matter. 

Catching her hands, you still her as you slide into the seat beside her to placate her.  Her gaze is a little unfocused, her words edging towards slurred.  You hadn’t quite realised how drunk she was, but then again, looking around the room, it would have been more of a surprise for her to be sober. 

“Don’t call that woman,” she tells you, leaning into your space.

“What woman?” you frown.

“That woman who gave you her number,” says Barbara like it’s obvious. 

You try not to think about the fact that for Barb to know, Melissa must have mentioned it.  That it’s been on her mind enough to mention it to the older woman.  “Why not?”

“She wouldn’t like it.”

“She gave me her number,” you point out.  “I don’t think she would mind.”

Barb shakes her head.  “Not her.  Her,” she says, nodding across the room to where Melissa is standing. 

You cross your arms across your chest.  “What has Melissa got to do with anything?”

Barb raises a single eyebrow, the action still smooth and effective despite her drunkenness and it makes you blush. 

Averting your gaze, you shake your head.  “It doesn’t matter what I feel,” you sigh.  “She’s not…She thinks I’m some stupid kid.”

What you don’t see, is Melissa standing close enough behind your chair to catch your words.

*

Somewhere after speaking to Barb you decide that trying to be the sober parent of your little Abbott family just isn’t working.  You’ve lost track of most of them, and honestly, you’ve given up trying to find them.  They’re all adults and can fend for themselves.

You still have eyes on Barb and Melissa though, the former dancing up a storm and the latter apparently winning an ill-advised drinking competition. 

Not that you can judge, of course.  You know you’ve drunk more than you should, feeling pleasantly buzzed from your seat in the corner of the bar.  You should call it a night before you do something you’ll regret, like call the woman Barbara told you not to.  Sober, you wouldn’t.  Drunk, you’re flattered enough and wouldn’t say no to the company. 

With a sigh, you push yourself up out of your seat and head towards the elevators.  Pushing the button, you watch the numbers light up as the lift descends.  You squeak in surprise when a strong pair of hands land on your hips, turning you around as a plump pair of lips meet you own.

“I don’t think you’re some stupid kid.”

You blink slowly a few times, taking in the woman before you.  Melissa.  Melissa Schemmenti just kissed you.  You shouldn’t, but you don’t have it in you to deny yourself the pleasure of feeling her lips against yours once more.  You kiss her back with enthusiasm, not protesting when she backs you into the elevator as it opens and moaning as your back hits the wall of the small metallic box, the weight of Melissa pressed against you. 

You’ve always admired her curves.  Pressed against you they’re a dream. 

The clearing of a throat far to close snaps you out of your living dream and you feel Melissa take a step back, biting her lip as she guiltily throws a glance over her shoulder, registering Barb standing in the elevator, her back to you both as if she hasn’t just witnessed exactly what you were both doing. 

Standing close, you grin at the devious smirk being aimed your way by a certain red head.  There’s a dangerous glimmer of mischief in her eyes.  Smudged lipstick and mussed hair from where you hands couldn’t help but run thought it complete the look.  The woman is a work of art. 

You look up as the elevator doors chime open, realising this is your floor.  Stepping forward, you slip past Barb, who merely raises an eyebrow.  You throw a look back at Melissa, who sways forward as though to follow you, before hesitating. 

The doors slide shut, and honestly, it’s probably for the best.

You miss the dark chuckle Barb lets out as the lift begins to ascend once more.

“What you laughing at?” asks Melissa, scowling.  She’s annoyed with herself for hesitating.  She knows what she wants, and she just let it walk out of the elevator.

“You two think you’re subtle?” the older woman drawls.  “She has more of your lipstick on than you do.”

*

If PECSA was party central the night before, it was hangover central the morning after.  You’re sitting outside on the low wall, sunglasses firmly in place, your phone in one hand and a bottle of water in the other as you take in the cool morning air. 

“You regret what happened last night?”

You turn to see Melissa, similarly attired.  “What?”

She comes to stand beside the wall on which you’re sat, her gaze wandering anywhere but you as she speaks.  “I came to your room last night.  You didn’t answer.”

“I didn’t hear you,” you admit, watching as her head whips around.  “Too busy throwing up everything I ever drank.”  You feel the blush dusting your cheeks, but continue.  This feels too important to let a little embarrassment stop you.  You take off your sunglasses so she can see your face as you speak,  “I have many regrets about my choices last night, but what happened in the elevator isn’t one of them.”

A slow smile spreads across her lips as she shifts to take a seat next to you.  She slips her own sunglasses off, finally letting you see her eyes.  “Good to know,” she murmurs.  “Me neither.”

You can’t help but smile at that.  You notice her gaze wandering and realise she staring at the phone still clutched in your hand. 

“You planning on using that number you were so interested in yesterday?”

“Honestly?” you ask, seeing the uncertainty in her face as she nods regardless.  “That woman was hot, and while I was more than a little flattered she gave me her number…she isn’t a patch on you.”

Pale cheeks blush adorably pink at your words.  Melissa isn’t used to hearing things like what from you.

“Don’t look so surprised,” you scoff, nudging her shoulder.  “You’ve seen yourself in a mirror, right?  And you needn’t think I go falling in pools over every pretty woman I see.”

“I really distracted you that badly, huh?” she asks, a little of her confidence returning.

You bump her shoulder with yours once more.  “Shut up.”

A gentle hand moves to cup your cheek, turning you to face her as Melissa presses a gentle kiss to your lips.  “For the record,” she says quietly.  “I don’t think you’re some stupid little kid.  I think you’re beautiful.”

You take in a shuddering breath.  It all feels too good to be true.  “What happens at PECSA stays at PECSA?” you ask sadly.

“I’ve never been one for playing by the rules,” she smirks back at you, pressing another quick kiss to your lips before pushing herself to her feet and offering a hand to you.  “Come on, we gotta go find Barb.  Reunite her with her shoes, sobriety and sanity.”

You take the hand being offered like a lifeline, grinning as Melissa starts walking, swinging your joined hands between you.  It’s only as you pass through the front doors to the building that her words even register.  “Wait?  Her shoes?”

[kitab00m101]

(I am only talking about c!grian, which means this involves some minor headcanons)

There's just something about the way everyone is talking about Grian and his circumstances for alliances that makes me feel like I'm looking at a dog that got hit by a car.

We all know Grian. He's chaotic, he's uncoordinated at times, but he KNOWS how to survive in the life series. He knows that the alliances he makes will matter later on, but more often than not he doesn't make an alliance with others based on skill or usefulness.

He does so because on the very first session, where there isn't a care in the world, they make him happy. They make him laugh and smile, they make him feel human. They make him feel like a person, even after he spent who knows how long between series with the other watchers.

He is loyal to his alliances, we all know this by heart. He never leaves his allies until all of them are are good and dead. I think that deep down, 3rd life changed something in him. In limited life, last life, and wild life, he put so much time and energy into trying to get his red life allies their lives back, because he CAN'T be the reason they die early, because he has it imbeded in him that he owes them that debt. Fleating happiness for the only thing he has to offer, his unwavering loyalty.

The very second that there is no one left who needs him, Grian has shown he is quick to find new allies. Within a second, he replaces his old alliance, even while he is still grieving, because he can't fathom the idea of there being no one who wants him around.

Again with his 3rd life scars and flashbacks, he knows how it felt to be so brutally betrayed by the one person he trusted. So whether against his will or not, he would never attempt to do so to his allies, whether old or new. Why would he betray them if they still are in enough of a daze to actually care about him?

Idk, just the way Grian goes about his relationships feels so much deeper than he let's on, and each series just shows a bit more of the more vulnerable side of him, the side that wants to feel and love.

[lilybecca1]

Can I ask from this ask game for BakuDeku (all of the questions)? Thanks 🧁

https://www.tumblr.com/comingfromastatechampionasshole/119898100247?source=share

Hi! Sure!

1. Which one is the better cook

Definitely Katsuki but I am actually fairly certain that Deku can cook too, considering he has such a close relationship with his mother.

2. What their love letters look like

"You forgot your lunch again, stupid Nerd. >:( >:( Do I have to take care of you now too????

*bunch of scribbled out swear words*

Have a good day at work...I guess. Tch."

"Have a great day at work Kacchan!!!! 😊😊😇😊😇❤️🌟❤️❤️✨⭐ Don't forget to eat your lunch! 😊 See you at home!!"

3. Which one outlives the other, and how they cope

Neither. They die together. That is the only possible outcome. I will not accept anything else. (It's actually Bakugo that outlives Deku and becomes one of those lonely grumpy grandpas who grumble at everyone ever since their love died and swear at youngsters about how loud they are and spends their day alone in the same home he lived with his husband that now feels much more quiet and empty without Izuku there to ramble about his day and give him random kisses throughout the day. So now Bakugo just spends time alone with a scowl on his face like how he used to before he fell in love with Izuku, but deep down he misses him and the time they spent together)

4.What they do on date night

Bakugo begrudgingly takes Izuku to an amusement park, Izuku beaming like the sun, happy to share a crepe with him. Then Bakugo grumbles about how stupid amusement parks are so Deku tells him it's okay to not want to go on the rides because not everyone can handle the nausea. Bakugo takes it personally and makes it a challenge so they proceed to go on every single ride there is until one of them pukes or can't take it anymore but they're both too stubborn to give up and just say "I can still keep going" and next thing they know it's already closing time and they ended up spending the entire day in the amusement park. Then they go home and pass out in eachothers' arms.

5. How many kids they'll have

Two kids that they'll adopt like Mahoro and Katsuma

6. How they decorated their bedroom

Couldn't agree on the theme and color so they agreed to paint it something plain and simple like how Bakugo wanted but Izuku can decorate his side of the room with All Might posters and pictures of eachother and their friends.

7 Which one is the worse driver

I feel like Bakugo would be the more aggressive driver but Deku would kinda space out in the middle of driving and start muttering about something then 5 streets later he realizes he's driving and looks around surprised like how did I get here

8. What they argue about

Domestic things cause they can't agree on anything especially when it comes to cooking, Bakugo always wants to do everything his way while Izuku keeps trying to convince him but ultimately gives up

9. Which one swears more

I think that's an obvious one XD

10. What TV shows they watch together, and which ones they hide from the other

They definitely watch All Might documentaries together(even though Bakugo complains that it's stupid). Izuku secretly watching shows about their pro hero friends but hides it because he knows Bakugo would get jealous. Bakugo actually secretly watches those too but would never admit it

11. What their first impression was of each other

Bakugo: what the frick is this nerd of a kid doing here (looks weirdly at Deku boucing around like a bunny on energy drinks)

Deku: oh..he's wearing the same hat as me...I'll become friends with him! (Finds the kid's scowl a little off-putting that screams 'Don't talk to me', but decides to approach him anyway just to make friends with him)

12. What they do for their anniversary

Nothing, just a regular day for them, but somehow they always end up making the day a little sweeter than all the other days

13. Which makes a bigger deal of birthdays

Deku. He will never not do a surprise party for Bakugo even though Bakugo always says he hates it

14. What nicknames they call each other

Kacchan! Nerd.

They would never ever do pet names, I am 100% sure of that

15. What they would change about each other

Their past and the trauma they went through. Bakugo would change Izuku's past so he wouldn't be so reckless and he'd put himself first, and Izuku would change Bakugo's upbringing that made it so hard for him to express himself and his feelings

Let me know what you guys think 💚

[wosowffc]

RELATIVES

Part 3

A week in and me and Leah haven spoke once, the team noticed, the staff noticed, the manager noticed even the canteen noticed. I don't plan on talking to her, I don't know what to say "oh sorry for running away when I needed help" or " sorry thought I should take a 4 year trip" like no, so what do you say.

My relationship with people in the squad have gotten stronger after some bonding games and chilling at eachothers house. I was finding it a bit hard to stay calm and not be my energetic electrocuted self but, i try to find ways. Alessia had been great at that point if you went out side at lunch or after training she would join to give me company as i let energy out.

I had your first game in two days and i feel like i could be a posible substitute as your training and small matches have been unreal.

I got up this morning and Im on time for once -I've never been good at time keeping- i sat on the sofa and read the note pad in which I write down things I need to do the next day, so, I get some done and out of the way before .I get home and put the dishwasher on and clean up some dishes along with putting away washing, I put on the washer as I get dressed before leaving for the colony.

We have some recovery today and tactics which I already know means I'll have try try sit still. Ariving I pull up to Steph and Leah. Leah doesn't look at me as Steph calls me to follow them in so I do. Walking along with Steph I keep glancing at Leah I'm pritty sure she's doing it too when I'm not looking which is getting on my nerves.

We walk inside and almost as soon as we enter the room me and Leah are called by Renee to go to her office for a "chat" I like Renee but I don't think this is a good chat. You enter the office you first then Renee and lastly Leah you don't look at eachother as renee sits down.

"Is everything ok between you two?" Her first question and you already want to leave.

"I think we just havnt got properly got a chance to bond yet" leha answers nearly immediately, I look down at my feet my legs are rocking side to side.

"Alright well I want you two to partner today, I would like you to do an hour gym hour Recovary then go out for lunch together" Is. She. Serious. I'm not doing that I'm not end of.

"Yeah seems ok with me" LEAH shut up stop talking my god I don't want to do this, that's all I can say to myself in my head.

We leave the room in silence I try to go towards where Katie and vic was but leahs voice cuts through first words she has said directly to me.

"Come on bean." My nickname. Bean. She would call me that when we were younger..i....I can't do this.

"Leah...I- I umm" shit come on is find words iz, find words

Leah guides me to the gym she girls all take their looks as you walk together but you get on with what you planned to do putting head phones on taking the opportunity to not talk.

Now we're almost done in here so what now, we're ment to go talk about feeling. I'm not good at talking feelings. I get up bringing my water and phone and leave the room as Leah isn't looking going to the changing room.

"We need to talk iz" Leah. NO LEAVE ME ALONE.

[erigold13261]

.

[originalcontent]

I can't find art of my ship anywhere so I GUESS that means I have to make it myself, here are some doodles.

[palettepainter]

Every time I remember there are no official ROTTMNT plushies a part of my soul dies

[licorishh]

Hey as a super introverted but not shy person I'd just like to say the jokes about extroverts "adopting" introverts to "get them out of their shell" are actually completely unfunny and it just goes to show how little respect a lot of y'all have for the fact that we genuinely don't want excessive social interaction and that y'all are forcing us to do something that brings us extreme physical and mental discomfort because you perceive our introversion as a failing rather than as purely a difference in personality.

We don't need your "help" to socialize. We're not children. We're simply not interested in spending every waking second of our lives talking to people and being talked at in return.

[disdaidal]

So, I met my nurse today and she said I'm finally getting scheduled for the ADHD testing on Dec 18th—after all these years. Albeit she said that it may not change a thing, but it's good to test it anyway.

I also had a discussion with my teacher today about my problems and we went through some stuff, and I might feel a little bit more enlightened about some things, which will hopefully help me.

Still. I'm having trouble with planning some stuff at my workplace because the staff there simply doesn't have time, and my instructor is also a very busy person (plus she's fussy and impatient and a little upset/disappointed with me which is not making it any easier for me), so that is still giving me a lot of stress right now.

So, I don't know. On the other hand, one teacher says I'm doing a good job and that I shouldn't quit. Then again, this particular school and their style of teaching simply might not be the thing for me and I expressed that concern today as well. I need help getting through with some stuff and nobody has time for me, so it's obviously not good.

I also need to find another place to train soon and that workplace would have to be something where I wouldn't have to manage 15 things at the same time and well. Finding that could be a challenge, too.

But. I suppose we're going somewhere.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent ones of these even though they all look the same lol.. forcing myself to document progress..

[depoteka]

🥴🥴 i called like 10 people on monday to see their flats/rooms and only managed to set up 2 meetings for tuesday. paid the equivalent of like a couple of days worth of groceries for train tickets because the prices skyrocketed. woke up at the crack of dawn to catch said train. one of the meetings got cancelled and the other one was literally sooooo perfect. a place i've always wanted to live in, the price was perfect and the flatmate nice. just now she messaged me she chose somebody else

[south-sea]

i talk about the softer side of second chance au a lot so it’s time to talk about how absolutely feral the boys still are. just because they’re living in kinder circumstances now doesn’t mean they’ve been declawed.

metal, even with his hostility coding removed, is still a vicious little beast. normally he doesn’t want to fight if he doesn’t have to (maybe it's more accurate to say he lets it be someone else's problem until it has to be his), but it takes very little to provoke him. is he brooding, and you’ve just forced him to move two inches to the left? he's turning you into a bowling pin. did you just playfully hit him in the back of the head with a paint gun? you’re getting ragdolled over his shoulder. did you hurt who was precious to him? … hope you got life insurance, dude.

removing the hostility coding has not made him kind; it’s only distilled that hostility and allowed him to focus it on those who deserve it (or don’t. metal is not exactly a good judge of character).

he doesn't necessarily like causing pain, but some part of him delights in seeing the aftermath of his fights. after all is said and done, and he looks back to see he's carved trenches into the ground or set fires or knocked over trees, then all the better. maybe he doesn't go out of his way to cause destruction, but he certainly takes any excuse to, and when it's given to him for good reason, he leans into total overkill territory.

he is tired of being someone else's weapon, but he will still chose to be a weapon, especially if it means defending those he cares about.

even on the lighter side of things, one of the first things he learned is he does not know how (and does not like to) play with other children. games like tag or keep-away aren’t challenging, and he doesn’t understand the point of letting younger kids win to keep them from being discouraged. he cannot empathize with them, and if he can’t make use of even a fraction of his everyday abilities, then what’s the point? how is it fun, if he’s not allowed to hover to keep himself from being made “it”, or speeding away to avoid being tagged? how is it fun, if he has to handicap himself? (what even IS “fun”?)

for the most part, shadow’s content to live an easier life of exploration. he does not fight unless in self-defense, and isn’t that reactive or easy to provoke. but there are some days he misses the thrill of just, existing at a faster pace. he doesn’t have much reason to run or hone his abilities—even if he doesn’t have a reason to fight, it’s still an aspect of himself that needs nurturing and entertaining. he has a lot of energy built up, and doing nothing but wandering around and learning isn’t going to help him expend it. there’ll be days he takes off running at full speed from nothing and just Goes.

i’d like to think there’s a day where one or both of them are frustrated about the lack of excitement or feel they’ve stagnated, and just end up racing each other. metal can have races again that don’t end in a shower of sparks and broken parts, and with nothing to prove to “himself” (maybe this is “fun”?). shadow has a way to expend excess energy—he makes it a best two out of three. they run until sundown and don’t even notice until metal catches the fact that shadow’s winded.

maybe they even start to spar with each other, but that one might take some time. metal, as brutal and merciless as he is against anyone else, is fiercely in the “shadow is my responsibility” camp and would have a hard time allowing himself to do anything but block. i’d like to think shadow eventually proves he can handle it, and then it’s a no-holds-barred scrap that ends with a few broken quills and some chipped paint, but instead of sharp words and petty verbal jabs, it’s a calm trade of pointers to help cover each other’s weak spots while they're sat together in the grass afterward.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[ghirahimbo]

I need.... a bigger window.....

[yohankang]

i’m so tired and angry i can’t believe it’s just the beginning....